Fanaa
by Chiyoko11
Summary: After his conversation with Sasuke, Hashirama can't stop thinking about the past and all the events that have lead up to the confrontation he is about to face against his first love. As he stands atop his stone face monument he remembers and contemplates his history with madara and the details he neglected to tell Sasuke. Hashimada, Fem!Madara
1. Prologue

Hashirama couldn't help but feel giddy as he gazed out at his village. It had changed much in the time since he had been gone. It was much larger and filled with more life. It made his heart swell to see his legacy thriving long after his passing. To be able to see all his hard work and sacrifice had paid off and continued generations later.

It was still a foreign sensation to him, to be reanimated. To him it seemed as though only moments had passed. However when he had awoken it was to find a much aged Sarutobi, who was also a reanimation, and learn that not only was his granddaughter, Tsunade the Fifth Hokage, but now also in her fifties. Time really did not stand still for anyone.

Still, he couldn't help but feel his excitement for another reason. He was setting out to see his old friend and first love who had also been reanimated. From the sound of it she had been causing a lot of trouble. Thought she would not had been Madara if she did not have that effect on people. Hashirama had been the only shinobi strong enough to face her, and apparently still was.

It had been a long time since his last encounter with her. She was self-destructive, and while he had killed her it was ultimately her own fault.

Even so, as Hashirama gazed out at his village he couldn't stop himself from thinking about his previous conversation with the young Uchiha, Sasuke. About the mess that had been created between the Uchiha and the village. He had done what the young man had asked and told him the story between himself and Madara. However, he had neglected to leave out a few things that were personal. Looking around at the surrounding forest, he couldn't help but think that it was around here that he first caught sight of the Uchida.

As a child, Hashirama used to love to explore the forest. He loved to explore the vegetation growing in the area. Times were tough during his era. His clan was constantly at war, and children from young ages were taught to fight and defend themselves for the battle they would one day participate in. For the honor of their clan.

Not long had pasted since his mother had died giving birth to his youngest brother, Itama, that Hashirama went off to explore by himself. His younger brother Tobirama was still too young to be wondering the woods, so Hashirama would go by himself. His older brothers were busy with training which left no one to really miss him.

He wasn't supposed to go far, but he was feeling rebellious without his mother to look over his shoulder. He was still very young, so while the pain of losing her still hurt him he need a distraction from the wars, and constant reminders of who were no longer there when he would return to camp.

As he picked up a branch his ears perked up at a sound. It sounded like someone's voice, the voice of a young child. He slowly edged nearer until he came close enough to realize that someone was singing a song. Soon enough Hashirama saw through the trees a young girl sitting on the ground picking herbs. Her voice has haunting, and he found himself struck to the spot of where he was standing unable to move.

The girl's song was sad but beautiful none the less. Hashirama felt his heart swell as he listened to her sing. It reminded him of when his mother used to sing to him not long ago. She was the only one who used to sing to him, and the girl's song filled him with a bittersweet feeling.

Suddenly she lifted her head up and glared around at her surroundings, almost as though she could feel Hashirama there watching her. Hashirama hid behind a tree as he was suddenly afraid of her finding him there. She looked to be around his age with black messy hair tied back, dark eyes, and pale skin wearing a simple dark kimono.

Not seeing anyone she stood up with her basket and began to walk back to wherever it was that she had come from.

Hashirama did not want her to leave. He wanted to keep listening to her singing that sad song of hers. Still, he could not find it in himself to call out to her or stop her and eventually returned to his camp with the wood he had collected.

Hashirama often thought about her, and the song she had sung. About who she was and where she came from. Was she from a clan like his? Were they allies, enemies? He went back to the spot where he first saw her when given the opportunity, but she was never there. When he was alone he used to try to hum the lyrics to her song, but it was difficult and eventually he forgot it.

As time wore on and he was consumed with training, he thought about her less and less until she seemed a forgotten dream. It would be a few years until they crossed more permanent roads.


	2. Chapter 1 Pockets Full of Stone

On days where his father wasn't around and his brothers were busy, Hashirama liked to wander the woods. His father seeing the potential in him seemed to take a special interest in Hashirama's training. That being said, he was barely left with a moment to himself. Knowing the peace wouldn't last for very long he liked to sneak away in order to have time to himself. On this particular occasion, Hashirama decided to go to the river.

When he reached the river however, it was to find that someone was already there.

On the river bank sat a young girl skipping stones who looked to be around the same age as Hashirama. She had long black hair messy hair, and pale skin. Something about her seemed to stir in Hashirama's memory, but he couldn't remember where he had seen her before. He didn't know any girls except the ones belonging to his clan.

When she began to hum, Hashirama felt his heart stop as a long forgotten memory rose to the surface of his mind. Here in front of him was the girl he had heard singing in the forest oh so many years ago he could no longer remember. She even seemed to be wearing a similar kimono to the one she had worn before. Since he had only seen her that one time, Hashirama remembers questioning if he had ever seen her at all.

As she threw a rock into the water she cursed when it sank half way there. Hashirama chuckled inwardly at how frustrated she seemed by her failure.

"I'll get it across for sure next time," she said with a determined look on her face.

While tossing another stone in the air mentally preparing for her next attempt, her expression turned into a deep frown as she saw another stone being skipped across the water. Unlike her's, this one made it to the other side.

Turing around she saw that she was no longer alone. Standing before her was a young boy around the same age as herself. He had tan skin and a bowl shaped hair cut with brown hair. She had never seen anyone dressed as eccentrically as him.

"You should aim a little higher when you throw. That's how you get the hang of it," he told her in a friendly voice smiling at her.

Though he did not believe it possible her frown actually grew more pronounced. What Hashirama didn't know was that this had less to do with him, but more from embarrassment with the fact that she was being corrected for her mistake.

"I know that," she told Hashirama in a snooty tone. "If I really want to, I'll get it across."

There was an awkward silence where Hashirama continued to stare at her with the same smile on his face. In order to keep from fidgeting under his gaze she asked him, "So anyway, who are you?"

Grinning he told her, "Currently we could say that I'm your rival in playing stone skipping, though mine got to the other side."

An annoyed expression crossed her face. "I asked you who you are! Meaning your name."

"My name is Hashirama, I can't tell you my surname." His smile slightly fell when he added the last part.

"Hashirama, huh? My name is Madara," she told him as she stood up. "I can't tell you my surname," she repeated back to him a little spitefully. Without looking as though she was following his advice Madara told Hashirama confidently, "Look, I'll get it this time."

When she threw the stone across the river Hashirama couldn't help but tense up. The way she had thrown it made it seem as though she had experience handling shurken. Hashirama dismissed the thought as soon as it presented itself. After all Madara was only a girl, and it was extremely rare to see a female shinobi in their day in age.

While making it farther than her last attempt, the stone plopped into the water with a loud splotch. Hashirama really could not believe how bad she was.

Suddenly she turned on him, and with fury he never thought possible, Madara started to scream at him. "JERK! You stood too close behind me on purpose to distract me _didn't_ you? You were trying to make me nervous so I would mess up!" she berated a terrified Hashirama.

"I'm sorry," he told her with his head down. Madara was dumb struck, her anger completely evaporated. Never in her life had she seen someone's mood change so quickly, or look so depressed.

"Um, you don't have to get all depressed over it," Madara tried to comfort him now starting to feel bad for her sudden outburst. "I'm sorry, it was just an excuse…"

"I didn't realize…that you had such annoying subjective symptoms," Hashirama replied still hugging his legs with his head down.

And with that all of Madara's guilt over yelling at Hashirama had disappeared as fast as it had come. "I can't tell if I like you or not, jerk!" Madara told him angrily.

Hashirama only burst out laughing. "Yeah, but you can tell that I'm better than you at skipping stones!"

"Next time I'll use you instead of the stone!"

"I'm sorry." Once again Hashirama was back to his original depressed state. "I didn't mean to make you angry…I'm ready to be thrown into the river to repent for what I've done."

Madara didn't know what to make of Hashirama. She had grown up with four brothers, but never had she met anyone like Hashirama. "Do you realize that you're annoying too?"

A sly smile crossed his face, "I just hope…that I make it to the other side."

Madara was now beside herself with anger. "I can't stand you, _go_ _away_!"

Offended Hashirama turned away from her. "Well then," he told her getting ready to leave.

Thinking she had really hurt his feeling this time Madara called after him, "No, wait!" She suddenly felt she didn't want him to leave.

Hashirama felt like he was getting whiplash from her constant mood swings. "Should I go or not?" he asked her. "Could you please make it clearer?"

Madara was about to answer when something caught both of their attention. The two turned to see a body floating in the river.

"What's that?" Madara asked, but Hashirama didn't answer her. Instead he took off running on the water towards.

Shocked she asked, "Are you a shinobi?" Though the answer was pretty obvious and did not really require an answered. Madara would not have believed it if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes. This dorky boy was a shinobi.

Sighing he said, "Go home. The war will reach this place soon."

"You know not revealing your name to a stranger, is one of the shinobi rules." Madara's face held a secret kind of smile as she told him this.

Hashirama stopped and turned to stare at her, wondering if she just reveal herself to him without actually doing so.

He never got the chance to ask, as she choose then to walk away. "See you around then," she said to him as he stared after her.

_Girls are weird_, was all that Hashirama could think as he headed home.


	3. Chapter 2 The World of Shinobi

A few days later Hashirama returned to the river. He wasn't quite sure why, but he felt disappointed when he found that it was empty upon his arrival. Sitting down he watched the river flow as he thought about his argument with his father the previous day.

After his meeting with Madara, Hashirama returned to his home only to be met with bad news. His younger brother Kawarama had died in battle at the age of seven. He wasn't the only one though, it appeared that the Senju clan had suffered many casualties from their recent battle.

"You should be thankful that a part of the body was even retrieved! This time the enemy wasn't only the Hagoromo clan, but the Uchiha too. They're ruthless," his father scolded his younger brother Itama for crying. They were all standing together as they watched Kawarama being laid to rest.

Hashirama couldn't help but think how ironic and idiotic the logic of his father was. How he could believe that war could put an end to more warfare. Peace could never be obtained through the total annulation of others.

It angered Hashirama that men like his father would never think twice about sending a child out into the battlefield. That his father justified his actions by saying that Kawarama was a shinobi and not a child, and that by turning children into "worthy shinobi" was the same as loving them.

To Hashirama there was no sense in having to die to become a shinobi worthy of recognition. He was young, but even as a child Hashirama knew that killing only to be killed without knowing where all the fighting stemmed from was insane. The world that he lived in was wrong, and he wished more than anything that there could be a way to change that.

"Adults are stupid," Tobirama concluded after Hashirama had raised the subject with him. "If they really wanted the fights to stop they should make an agreement with their enemy."

The Warring States Period they all lived in, was an era of continuous warfare between various countries and shinobi clans. Counties would enlist clans to fight for them in the effort to obtain territory and wealth. Out of the chaos and blood shed through these wars, animosity between clans was born and suddenly it wasn't just a battle anymore but vengeance in the name of their lost clansmen.

"But what about all your relatives who got killed?" Itama asked him.

"You'll die too if you keep talking like that," Tobirama told his brother. "You and the adults get too fired up about it. Shinobi should just repress their feeling, create rules, abide by them and avoid useless fighting." Even though he was the second oldest, Tobirama was always the smartest out of all his brothers. Being the much calmer one, he was able to stop and analyze a situation clearly without hesitation.

"I wonder if it's possible to make a real agreement and an alliance," Hashirama thought out loud.

Both his brothers looked shocked. It was one thing to wish for such a thing, but neither one of the thought it ever possible to imagine coming true.

* * *

A few weeks later Hashirama once again found himself sitting alone by the river. His family had just finished burying Itama's body, and Hashirama felt like he needed time to morn by himself. He kept replying the conversation he had shared with Itama and Tobirama not long ago. Tobirama had warned him about what would get him killed, and had as usual been right.

After about an hour or so he felt a presence behind him. Somehow, he knew who it was before she had ever spoken aloud.

"Hey, I haven't seen you for a while…um," she trailed off.

"Hashirama," he finished for her. Hashirama didn't turn around to look at Madara, he just continued to watch the river flow.

Madara couldn't help but notice a change in the usual perky attitude of the young boy. "What? Don't tell me you're already depressed," she teased him good naturally.

When the silence continued she pressed him, "Did something happen?"

"I'd like to ask you… I'm fine!" Hashirama ended up insisting.

Madara looked at him skeptically. "Liar," she accused him. "You can talk about it if you want to."

Hashirama started to sniffle. "It's nothing," he insisted.

"Its ok, just say it."

"No, really…it's nothing." By now his sniffles were bordering sobs.

Madara could only roll her eyes. "You're dragging this out too much," she chided him much like a mother. "I told you that you can tell me what's wrong."

"But it's true, really. It's noth-" he began.

"Just spit it out already!" As soon as she saw his tears, Madara could no longer take any of his stalling. Why it was taking him so long to open up when he was obviously upset Madara couldn't understand.

"My younger brother died…"

Madara said nothing and only waited for him to continue speaking.

Wiping away his tears he confessed to her, "The reason I came here, is that by looking at the river I feel like these vague feeling are carried away by the water. Your name is Madara right? I thought it might be the same for you too. Do you have any siblings?"

"I have four brothers," she said walking closer to him. "At least, I _had_ them. I only have one left, my younger brother." She picked up a stone and stood up towards the water. "As shinobi, we live with the understanding that we may die at any time."

"So it's true then?" he asked her. "You are a shinobi." It was extremely rare for females to be shinobi. While it had partly to do with sexism, the much bigger issue and the reality they lived in was the continuous low number of life expectancy. With the average life span of a shinobi being thirty, clans had to either keep reproducing or die out.

Nodding, she threw a stone across the water. While it made it more than halfway across, it sank before it almost got there. Hashirama could tell she had been practicing.

"The only way not to die," she told him picking up another stone, "Is to show what you really think to your enemy, without hiding anything and become allies with them."

Hashirama stared at her in shock.

"But that's impossible, because you can never really know what a person thinks and feels deep inside their hearts." She threw another rock across the water, and it finally made it to the other side. "You don't know if they're secretly seething inside, plotting against you."

"Is it really impossible to show each other what we think?" Hashirama didn't want to believe that his dream was unobtainable.

"I don't know," Madara admitted. "But I always come here in the hope that a way exists."

It was then by the river, that Hashirama knew it had not been an accident that they had met each other. That this girl, no matter how unorthodox, being a shinobi like him wasn't a coincidence. They shared a dream, and for the first time he hoped that maybe they could find an answer in each other.

Turning to him smiling she told Hashirama, "You know, I can understand you without even looking inside you."

"What?" Hashirama's mind went suddenly blank at the possibility of what she meant.

Teasingly Madara told him, "Look at your hairstyle and clothes, you're a dork."

Hashirama put his head down, depression overtaking him as he couldn't help but feel a little offended by that.


	4. Chapter 3 Dreams

From that encounter on Hashirama continued to meet with Madara by the river, never without the knowledge of his family. Together Hashirama and Madara trained and taught each other their shinobi techniques, always talking about a way to change the hard times they lived in.

At first Hashirama had been opposed to the idea of training with Madara since she was a girl. Madara on the other hand, would not accept no for answer. At first she had tried goading him into fighting her, however when she realized there was nothing she could say to him that would antagonize him into a fight she forced him to practice with her after throwing the first punch. Surprised by her strength, Madara had kept Hashirama on the defensive for most of the fight until he realized she wouldn't stop until he put some real effort into their fight. After that Hashirama had been forced to admit to himself that Madara was extremely strong, bordering his own strength. It was no wonder that despite her gender she was allowed to fight alongside her clansmen in battle. Girl or not, she was a prodigy just like him.

After one such training session both were heavily panting completely exhausted.

"Your taijutsu and kumite are good," Madara admitted to him. "You can even tie with me."

Hashirama looked at her in disbelief. "This is not a tie. I'm still standing!"

"Oh?" she asked him coly.

Out of nowhere Madara threw a rock at Hashirama so hard he landed flat on his back.

"What were you saying?" Madara asked him gleefully.

Rubbing his head Hashirama told her, "You're kind of a sadist, you know that?"

Madara only laughed getting up off the ground. Grabbing some water she sat down next to him while handing him his own. That was their routine. They trained until both were too tired to stand, then would relax and talk about what it would take to change the way they lived.

"But the problem is," Hashirama was discussing with her a little while later. "How can we concretely change something? I can't get a clear view of the future."

"First of all," Madara explained to him, "you must hold onto your ideals and become stronger. If you're weak no one will listen to you."

Hashirama couldn't help but agree with her. "That's right, if we master a lot of jutsu and become stronger, adults won't be able to ignore us anymore."

"You need to overcome your weaknesses and the jutsu you're not good at. Well, I'm already stronger than your average adult on that," Madara said matter of factly.

While it sounded like mere bragging, Hashirama had learned by now from his time with Madara that this was not the case. Madara was indeed strong, and he could see her being just as powerful as she boasted herself to be.

Looking up at the sky she told him, "It's getting late. My brother will start to wonder where I am. I better get going."

He stood up with her. "Ok, when should we meet next? Two days time?"

"No, I can't. I'm busy then." A strange look had crossed her face as she told him that.

"Alright." An uneasy feeling had settled in Hashirama's stomach. Deep down he knew why she was "busy", but chose to try ant not think about it. "When then?"

Madara thought for a moment, "Five days from now."

"Sounds good to me," he told her. Madara couldn't but notice that his usual cheery grin was a little forced.

"See you," she told him with a sad smile.

As they both left the river Hashirama suddenly called back to her, "Madara!"

Madara stopped to turn around, but made no move forward. "Yeah?"

For a moment he hesitated before he told her with a sad look, "I hope you get home okay."

Madara was shocked for a moment. There were different ways to interpret what Hashirama had told her, but she knew exactly what he had meant. While the two had become good friends and liked to talk about their dreams of the future, there were still things they could never tell each other. In this way he was honoring her wishes by not actually coming out to say it, but still letting her know he cares. Madara was touched.

Returning his smile she waved to him, "Of course. I'll see you later."

* * *

On his way back home Hashirama couldn't steer his thoughts away from Madara. He knew that she would be going out to battle, and he couldn't help but feel nervous for her. However underneath his anxiety, he was also forced to think about things he liked to avoid thinking about.

The ugly truth was that despite being friends, Hashirama had no idea who Madara was. For just as easy as she could belong to a clan that was an ally, she could also be from an enemy clan. If the latter was true he wasn't quite sure how things would end but he knew that he would probably have to stop seeing her.

Having spent enough time with her Hashirama knew that if he really wanted to, he could just figure out which clan it was on his own. The truth was that he didn't want to know.

When he arrived home he was confronted by Tobirama. "Hey, you've been gone for a while. Where were you?"

Hashirama turned to face him, "I was out training, why?"

Tobirama gave him a look, "Father asked about you. He's started to notice that you've been disappearing a lot recently and was asking questions."

Hashirama tried not to tense up. "I've just been training in the woods by myself. There's nothing wrong with that."

Tobirama wasn't satisfied by his answer. "You've been acting pretty secretive lately. What? You get a girlfriend or something?"

"WHAT? NO." Hashirama couldn't help the flush on his face.

Tobirama stared at him. "You know I was only joking right?"

"Whatever," Tobirama said walking away when Hashirama started to sputter.

Five days later Hashirama was sitting by the river waiting for Madara. Since parting he had hoped that nothing bad had happened to her.

His thoughts were interrupted as a stone skipped across the water. Turning he saw that it was Madara. She looked a little banged up and bruised, but nothing that he could see was serious.

"Hey," she said to him. "Ready to train?"

Smiling back he told her, "Yeah, get ready to lose."

* * *

"Madara, I came up with a fantastic new jutsu! Let's master it together!"

"Oh, what kind? She asked unfazed by how excited he was.

"Secret taijutsu, super katon genjutsu cutting big shuriken double drop technique!

Madara blinked. "I don't get it."

"You see the trick is-" he started to explain.

"Yeah no, I have a better idea. We'll have a vertical wall climbing challenge," she told him matter of factly.

To her great annoyance Hashirama was once again on the ground sulking in his usual depressive state. "Stop sulking! You can't always act like that every time you don't get your way. _That's_ your weak point."

Almost as soon as she had finished speaking Hashirama had jumped up and started running for the wall. "AHAHAHAH, and you shouldn't be so gullible. That's _your_ weak point!" he yelled back to her. "See you at the top!"

Madara was livid as she watched him get a head start. "Jerk! You were faking the whole time!" Not wasting any more time she ran after him to try and catch up.

"I…won…" Hashirama told Madara trying to catch his breath.

"Oh course you did…cheater," she spat out between breaths. They both sat down next to each other and gazed out at the vast forest in front of them. Somewhere behind all the trees the both of their clans lived.

"You can get a view of the whole forest from here," Hashirama told her gazing out into the distance.

"Yup, you can see really far out into the distance. Though I'm confident that I can beat you when it comes to seeing. Want to test that out?

Noticing a change in arrogance he asked her, "That's kind of sudden. You seem to be really proud of your eyesight."

"Of course! I have a-…" she suddenly cut off as though all the air was sucked out of her body. Madara cursed at herself internally. She couldn't believe that she had grown so comfortable with this boy that she had almost slipped something like that to him. Next thing she knows, she might accidently tell him her surname.

"What's wrong?" Hashirama didn't know what she was going to say, but he could tell she had been about to tell him something she wasn't supposed to.

"No…it's nothing to brag about really." The words were extremely hard for her to say.

Hashirama tilted his head and smiled. "Heh, modesty doesn't suit you."

Madara however continued to look solemn. "If I was really elite…my brothers wouldn't have…I couldn't protect them…what good is the…what is…"

As she spoke Hashirama couldn't help thinking about Itama and Kawarama. He sympathized with her in a way no one else could. "But you still have one brother left right?"

"Yeah, my youngest. I'll make sure nothing ever happens to him. I promised my mother."

Wanting to cheer her up Hashirama said, "Let's build our village here! We'll make it a place where kids won't have to kill each other. We can build a school where children will be taught how to grow and get strong, missions will be chosen depending on personal skills and strength! Seniors will assign the proper level. In our village children won't be sent out into the battlefields!"

Madara shook her head smiling, "You're the only one who comes up with such silly ideas." She would never admit it out loud, but she liked how optimistic Hashirama was. It made her feel hopeful.

"What are your thoughts then?" Hashirama asked.

"I like it, and when we build our settlement I'll be able to watch over my little brother. I'll be able to keep my promise."

The two continued to talk for another few hours looking out at what would one day become their village. When they finally came down they skipped rocks to each other from opposite sides of the river.

"We both made it to the other side," Hashirama told her smiling.

Madara smiled back. "That's a good rock for stone skipping, you keep it until the next time we meet."

And with that both children departed from the river.


End file.
